Terms & Conditions for Dealings with David Carlin

Effective: always. Retroactive where applicable.

1. Communication

• No noreply@ addresses. Emails sent from a noreply@ address will not be read, actioned, or acknowledged. If you want a response, send from an address that can receive one.
• Subject lines must be meaningful. "Hello", "Following up", and "Quick question" do not constitute subject lines. Emails with non-descriptive subjects may be archived without reading.
• No unsolicited calendaring. Do not send calendar invites without prior agreement. An invite is not a question — ask first.

2. Time

• Time is a finite, non-renewable resource. Wasting it — through unnecessary meetings, vague briefs, scope creep without notice, or repeated failure to read prior correspondence — constitutes a breach of these terms.
• Compensation for wasted time. Parties found to have materially wasted David Carlin's time may be liable for compensation at a rate commensurate with the severity and duration of the waste. This is not a joke.
• Meetings must have an agenda. Any meeting requested without a stated purpose and agenda may be declined without explanation.

3. Requests

• Be specific. Vague requests receive vague outcomes. The requestor accepts responsibility for outputs that result from an unclear brief.
• "Can you just…" is a warning sign. Tasks prefaced with "can you just" are rarely just anything. They will be scoped, estimated, and treated accordingly.
• Deadlines must be disclosed upfront. Revealing a deadline at the eleventh hour does not create an obligation to meet it.

4. Respect

• Basic courtesy is non-negotiable. Rudeness, condescension, and bad faith are grounds for immediate termination of any engagement, with no obligation to explain or provide notice.
• Credit must be given. Work, ideas, and contributions attributed to others when they originated with David Carlin is a breach of these terms and common decency.

5. Unauthorised Charges

• Charging without authority is theft. Any charge made to a card, account, or direct debit without explicit, current authorisation — including overcharging beyond an agreed amount — will be treated as theft of funds, not an administrative error.
• Immediate repayment required. Upon notification, the full unauthorised amount must be returned promptly. "We'll look into it" is not repayment.
• Compensation scales with time. The longer the funds are held, the greater the compensation owed. Specifically:
  • 0–7 days: full refund + 25% of the amount taken
  • 8–30 days: full refund + 50% of the amount taken
  • 31–90 days: full refund + 100% of the amount taken
  • 90+ days: full refund + 200% of the amount taken, plus any costs incurred in recovering the funds
• Ignorance is not a defence. "Our system did it automatically" or "it was a billing error" does not reduce liability. The obligation to charge correctly rests entirely with the party doing the charging.

6. General

• These terms may be updated at any time. Continued dealings with David Carlin constitute acceptance of the current version.
• Exceptions exist. David Carlin reserves the right to waive any of the above at his sole discretion, usually for people he likes.

By initiating contact, you agree to these terms.